Don't Get it Twisted

Kim Kardashian is vapid at best, outright conniving and ruthless in the quest of her own self-promotion at worst. She used a special needs boy by the name of Kris Humphries, extracting his pride from him through contrived "reality" programming (actually, "programmed reality" is the best and most succinct way of describing her E! show), all for ratings and expensive wedding gifts, and then 72 days later tossed away the empty shell of his public persona like a Carl's Jr. cup out the window of a Mercedes doing 80 on the PCH.

She sought pop stardom, despite the fact that she wouldn't make it past an American Idol tryout without help from her name and/or her mama's machinations. And when it became vividly evident—via a music video that would make Rebecca Black cringe—this pursuit was destined to end in failure, she attempted to bury the body as far away from the media's eye as possible.

Her character has become the caged cart at a driving range, with a line of comedians and Twitter hacks teeing off every time she passes. While Kim’s “storybook” marriage was ending amid a storm of bad press and floundering public opinion, Reggie Bush—the more miserable party at the onset of their breakup years ago—was experiencing a rejuvenation of his career in Miami, enjoying an autumn of entirely positive press for the first time since coming to the NFL. Not surprisingly, shortly thereafter it “leaked” from sources “close to Kim” that she still longed for the two to reunite. And, not surprisingly, Bush was publicly silent in regards to these rumors, keeping himself far away from the publicity vampire before she could feed off of him once again (this time in the thick night air of South Beach).

And yet, despite all of this…

Yup, I’d still hit. I may even wife it, for like…a weekend. Maybe two. Scream at me.

The Fix was In

And along with the "shocking" news that Kim K. has filed for divorce comes this interesting story from Wetpaint.

A source tells Wetpaint Entertainment that last fall, a representative of E!, the network that airs the many Kardashian reality shows, approached the New York Knicks to find out if Danilo Gallinari, the studly Italian who was then a forward on the team, would be interested in dating Kim. According to our source, both E! and Kim were interested in having her date a big New York athlete for the debut season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, and the Knicks were their first choice. (The show, which first aired in January 2011, begins its second season next month.) Gallinari — then 22 to Kim’s 30 — was told that such a move would be good for his career and that he would garner lots of media exposure. Gallinari declined, saying he would be happy to meet Kim but wasn't interested in dating or being a reality-show star. E! had “no comment” when we called them.

Before you could say, “The Knicks aren’t the only game in the New York metro area!” Kim was dating Kris Humphries of the New Jersey (soon to be Brooklyn) Nets. Did E! approach the Nets, too? The Nets declined to comment. (Actually, no team will comment on players these days, due to the NBA lockout.)

I'm a little surprised by this story. It seems a little extreme to orchestrate a relationship and marriage all for a second-tier reality show's ratings. And it's incredibly sloppy, since there's almost no way you could keep the whole thing from becoming public knowledge eventually. But, that being said, I can't say I'm shocked by anything the Kardashian clan does these days.

This does make sense out of Humphries bagging Kim, though. I'm sure she loves charity and all (or at least that's what her family and producers would want you to think she loves), but actually dating and marrying a mentally challenged person just seemed a little outside the bounds of reality (even a Kardashian "reality").

Cheers

Ahhhh... That's more like it.

From TMZ:

Kim Kardashian will file for divorce this morning, after 72 days of not-so-wedded bliss to Kris Humphries ... TMZ has learned.

We're told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It's a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites "irreconcilable differences."

I, for one, am absolutely shocked. I can't believe that this is happening...a full 72 days after the wedding. I had "37" in the Crooked Straight office pool.

Welcome back to the ranks of "Eligible for DEFI's affections", Kim.

"You remind me of a girl, that I, once knew..."

So you're not quite over your ex, but she's moved on (several times); what's a guy to do?

Well, in the words of Christopher Titus, "I'm going to find a girl who looks just like you, and I'm gonna fuck her just to prove I DON'T NEED YOU!"

From omg!:

Remember that seemingly ubiquitous Old Navy ad featuring a woman who bore more than a passing resemblance to Kardashian? Well, her name is Melissa Molinaro. She's a singer/actress. And she is currently dating Reggie Bush, who in addition to being Kardashian's ex-boyfriend is also a halfback on the New Orleans Saints.

Bush and Molinaro have been dating for a few months, according to TMZ. They apparently met about two years ago, but didn't start dating until last summer, becoming "official" by Christmas.

I feel for Reggie—I do. He's had to watch Kim date Miles Austin and god-knows whoever else—all in front of cameras for her hit reality TV show—while dealing with a scandal from his college days that has resulted in the loss of his Heisman and one of his alma mater's national championships. And now Kim has announced her engagement to another pro athlete; one who, for all intents and purposes, appears to be mentally disabled (at least that's my theory about Kris Humphries; seriously, listen to him talk and tell me I'm wrong).

So to say the last year has been tough on him is fair, especially coming off the high of winning the Super Bowl in February 2010. But how long will it take before he's finally over Kim, and in the process gets over this new girl? My guess is once the NFL lockout ends, we hear an announcement that these two lovebirds are taking a break.

Then he'll have to find a girl who kind of looks like the girl who kind of looks like Kim.