It's the Weekend

Time for life to imitate art...

Treadmills: They Does Them

Yup. Happy Friday, y'all.

Throwback Thursday: "You Came Up" -- Big Pun ft. Noreaga

There's no denying Pun's first LP, Capitol Punishment, was a classic. Just about every beat was on point, and perfectly showcased his smooth-but-rapid flow and effortless lyricism. People forget, though, that Pun's sense of humor was just as big as his talent, and went a long way to him becoming an instant success. And this video—though it doesn't synch up with the song's lyrics (a pet peeve of mine)—brings out a bit more of his charismatic jokester side.

Tail Report: Rukus vs. Primitive

*pauses* I get the feeling that title just accidentally lured in a big video game geek crowd.

Okay, I admit I got this idea (and some most all of the videos...and basically the whole thing) from Girlwatcher's latest post at The Smoking Jacket. Now do you want to keep sitting around a computer screen criticizing, or do you want to look at some of the world's most beautiful women? Yup, that's what I thought.

Team Rukus

My schoolboy crush, Ms. Jessica Burciaga:





Natasha Yi: [I'll be honest...she stopped following me on Twitter over a year ago, and my pride makes me want to ignore her. But this woman is gorgeous. Plus, prior to the sudden Twit-diss, she seemed pretty cool. That's worth at least one more mention on CS.]





Alexis Lopez (aye mami...don't worry fellas, I think Alexis is going to get a well-deserved posting of her own in the near future):





Team Primitive

Justene Jaro (*whimper*)





Desiree Elyda (Don't know much about her, but...I'm learning.)





Alexis Lopez—that's right, she plays for both teams. The hottest girls always do.

Moving at the Speed of Dumb

You've probably seen or heard this by now, but...





As irreversibly feeble-minded as this poor girl is, there's something bigger that should be highlighted here.

As a man who's had his fair share of arguments with women, there's one undeniable fact: They are illogical beings. For example, I once forced an introduction at a bar between a cute bartender and my boy; when she heard the story a few days later, my girlfriend at the time got mad at me, because she considered that act to be me flirting and/or cheating.

True story.

Now, to be fair, that's a bit of an extreme case. But even in little, everyday disagreements, men are constantly being flustered and frustrated by women as they use irrational jumps in logic to support their side of the dispute. Sadly, it's an inescapable fact of nature; it seems nearly all women suffer from this flaw [It seems wrong to completely generalize all women as having an inability to process logic; surely, there must be some who are rational. But, in my 33 years, I don't think I have found one yet, so...]. Even my mother, who I love more than anything else in the world, is often victim to ridiculous reasoning. It doesn't make me love her any less, though it does shorten my visits on occasion.

This isn't to say that a woman is always wrong when arguing with a man—I mean, she IS, but I'm not saying that (jokes, ladies...ease back). But when a woman is wrong, typically she's not going to stop and accept a logical view of the debate. The beauty of this video is that it so perfectly shines a spotlight on this tendency. No reasonable woman can watch this lass Chelsea stumble around the math problem using various mind-boggling pieces of "data" ("I run a mile in about 9 minutes"...huh?) and then vehemently defend her answer while simultaneously discrediting her husband ("I make sense—you do not make sense!"), and not catch a glimpse into the pain any man has ever felt when dealing with this type battle between the logical and the illogical.

Joell Ortiz Gives 'em a Little Michael McDonald

The younger generation of music fans may not know who Michael McDonald is, though you may recognize some of his songs--more accurately, you may recognize the beats from some of his songs, which have been sampled by various artists. One such song is "I Keep Forgettin'", which Warren G used for "Regulators" (R.I.P. Nate Dogg). Indeed, the hip-hop world is well aware of McDonald's legacy.

From HipHop N More:

The Slaughterhouse crew is mean group of MCs but that doesn’t mean they don’t know how to have some fun. Last night at their show in Ft. Lauderdale, Joell Ortiz did a hilarious cover of singer Michael McDonald’s classic song ‘I Keep Forgetting‘ while Joe Budden busted some passionate dance moves.

This shit slayed me. Ortiz actually does a pretty damn good rendition, and Budden more than does his part to assist in the performance.

Monday Kickstart: Ryde or Die

I feel like this brother must be related to Grace Jones. You know all those over-the-top descriptions and scenarios that Old Spice uses to talk about how "powerful" their deodorant's odor-blocking skills are? You think Terry Tate watched this video and started worrying that he was about to be replaced?





And now, this week's motivational speaker, Ms. Genesis Rodriguez:

Well said, Genesis. Well said. Let's get it.

It's the Weekend

Time to go green...

Community Service

Welcome back, Community.

The beautiful, hilarious creation of executive producer Dan Harmon returns tonight (NBC, 8 pm EST) after a three month hiatus. And while nothing is certain yet, there are encouraging signs (including the completion of a syndication deal with Comedy Central) that these next twelve episodes won't be the last hurrah for Jeff (Joel McHale), Britta (Gillian Jacobs), Troy (Donald Glover), Shirley (Yvette Nicole Brown), Annie (Alison Brie...delish), Abed (Danny Pudi), Pierce (Chevy Chase), and Chang (Ken Jeong). The agent working against Community, of course, is the series' often-underwhelming performance in the ratings. America's minds—much like our guts—have always preferred fat, easily-within-reach comfort food when it comes to sitcoms. Shows that dare to make you train your eyes and ears by forgoing base, unsophisticated jokes appeal to a more savvy, well-toned-mental-physique. And, sadly, they simply don't hold as many people in front of a television for 30 minutes. Harmon packs more comedy and thought into the background of a scene than most sitcom producers put into the full half hour. The show, quite simply, is the Jay-Z to other TV shows' Soulja Boys.





Yet Community, with its dazzling dialogue and repartee between characters, and its fondness for parodying cinematic genres by expertly hitting each note of each cliched trope, has amassed a strong legion of fans around the world. If you want proof of that, just search on Twitter for "#SixSeasonsAndAMovie", the war cry of my fellow Community supporters. With a little luck, the Greendale gang will add numbers to this legion—as well as gain a significant boost in the ratings—tonight and in the weeks to come. It would be well-deserved. Shows that pack as much solid and creative talent in all three of the major areas (writing, production, and acting) only come around once in a lifetime. Letting this one die would be a Chang.

Throwback Thursday: "Break Ups 2 Make Ups" -- Method Man ft. D'Angelo

Raise your hand if you have a crazy ex-girlfriend? Yup. Some of y'all have both hands raised. Let's let Meth and D speak on it for a few minutes...

Bro'ing Out the Wedding Photo

A wedding is a painful thing for a man. ...Some more so than others. If you ever needed further proof that marriage flies in the face of Darwinism, just watch this.

Tail Report: Kourtney Kardashian

Normally, CS is the frolicking grounds of her big sis, Kim (she even sneaks into one of the photos below). But today I thought I'd give Kourtney—the MILF Kardashian—a post of her own. Why? Because...why not?

Feng Shui

With rental prices rising, it's more important than ever to make the most of your surroundings.

Tipping Point

If you were ever a high school athlete, then more than likely you indulged in a similar daydream from time to time: With the game clock ticking towards zero in a state championship game and your team's success in your hands, you grasp the opportunity to step up and be the unquestionable hero in a moment when the stakes are at their absolute highest. It's an incredibly unrealistic scenario. Those moments aren't just once-in-a-lifetime, they're once-in-a-thousand-people's-lifetimes. It's Hollywood magic, art that real life admires from behind a velvet rope but never dares to imitate.

Well, almost never. For Josh Adams of Chaparral High School in Colorado, daydreams can't compare to reality.

Flight Time: Gerald Green

TJ thinks this is better than Blake Griffin ending any chance anyone will ever respect Kendrick Perkins' game ever again...I obviously disagree. This is a sick throwdown by Green, but without a helpless victim on the receiving end, it just isn't as awe-inspiring as Griffin's dunk.

Monday Kickstart: Keep Telling Yourself That

Yup. Know who else runs this shit? Alison Brie, that's who.

Don't hurt 'em, Alison. (You can hurt me anytime you want, though...)

P.S. — New "Community" Thursday at 8, y'all. #CoolCoolCool

It's the Weekend

Time to freshen up...

Throwback Thursday: "The Actual" -- All City

If you're wondering where All City went, don't bother asking me; I don't know either. In fact, I'd completely forgotten about them until TJ suggested this track for a Throwback post.

We Built This City

You've got to admit, this is pretty cool.

Eight years after the release of Sim City 4, Electronic Arts has just released a trailer for its successor, Sim City 5.





From The Huffington Post:

The new game, which was unveiled at this week's Game Developers Conference in San Francisco, will be brought up to current-day speed with environmental issues affecting construction and mayors dealing with climate change, renewable energy and natural disasters as they build their cities.

...Decisions as a city builder can have pronounced effects on Sim City residents. If a player chooses to make a town economically reliant on coal mining, for example, the city will have to invest in building hospitals to keep residents from getting sick and fleeing.

"The choices that you make will affect the lives of the Sims who are there," Bradshaw said, "and you might start to see some residents protesting at City Hall."

What happens in one city can also affect a friend's town. The game will have online features where one person can play side by side with friends who are mayors of their own cities. All players globally can compete in rankings to be the greenest, the dirtiest, the fittest, or the best city in which to live.

It's good to know I'm not the only person who's been longing for a new Sim City. I played one of the early versions during study halls in high school, and 15+ year (shut it) of absence has definitely made the heart grow fonder. It's almost unfair, though, that we still have to wait another year before this game is available.

Monday Kickstart: How Does That Make You Feel?

Maybe getting it all out of your system today will help ease things the rest of the week. Maybe not. Either way, this video will at least clear your mind for a few blissful minutes.




Feel better? No? Think Kate Upton could help with that?

Yeah, I thought so. Let's go.

It's Friday

Time to be a big, bright, shining star...

Happy Birthday, Bitch!

Nothing says "and many more..." like second degree manslaughter. I wonder if her birthday wish was to be the subject of an afterschool special?


A Painful Birthday Prank Fail - Watch More Funny Videos

Community Rises

If you're a fan of Community (and really, I find it hard to believe you'd be awesome enough to be a Crooked Straight fan if you're not a Community fan), you'll love this mashup video almost as much as you love the news that the gang from Greendale will be back with new episodes on March 15th. #sixseasonsandamovie, bitch.

Throwback Thursday: "Dear Mama" -- 2pac

Those close to me know that my mother has endured some major health issues over the last few weeks. It's been a stressful time, but I'm holding onto a cautiously-optimistic outlook. I want to dedicate this week's throwback to the woman who gave me everything I have in this world, and to remind her that I love her, and that she is appreciated.

Tail Report: Ashley Sky

This is Ashley. What does Ashley do? Ashley looks incredible in lingerie and bikinis. Good enough for you? Yup, it's good enough for me, too.

#girlnextdoorswag

All Grown Up

Ellie Kemper...mmm mmmMM mmm MMMM. In just a few short years, she's gone from geeky internet-skit girl...



...to quirky TV character actress...

...to Hollywood siren...

Yes, please. As one of DERRICK Comedy's early fans—pretty much the only people who even know who DERRICK Comedy is—I feel a sense of pride in seeing Ellie's growing success. Almost like an older cousin...you know, like fifth or sixth removed. A "cousin" you can still do stuff to without it being weird...

Tail Report: Jennifer Lopez (Oscar Night Edition)

I thought about doing the standard "all the hot gals of the Oscars red carpet" post, but...I don't know. There were a few surprising showings (Ellie Kemper, who I'll get to in a later post, and Viola Davis' tasty treats are the first two to come to my bourbon-saddled mind), as well as some comical ones (I mean, Angelina...I wouldn't say "No" to her, but anymore she's the Peyton Manning of hot women: A big name with a Hall-of-Fame career, who at this point is damaged goods and a bit past her prime; she can still win a few games, but there's no way you'd stake your future on her—sorry Brad). But, on the whole, there just wasn't much for (straight) male eyes to enjoy. The one woman who did bring the "bang", though? Our favorite chica from the block. Both on the red carpet:

...and at the after-party:

Yes, that's a bang. Twice. Te amo, mami.

Grown Little Man

Kev Hart watched the end of the NBA All-Star Celebrity game from the bench. But if you've gotta go, go with style.

Video: Profound & Ejoox -- "No Church in the Wild Remix"

My dude Pro and his boy do the damn thing over Ye and Jay's "Church in the Wild" beat.

Auto Eroticism: Fisker Karma

For once, buying a $100,000+ car may be fiscally responsible.

In addition to being American-made, the long-awaited Karma separates itself from its Italian, German, and British peers in the six-figure, "golddigger-radar-lock" category of automobiles by running on electricity (though it can also run on gas, depending how you toggle the settings in the cockpit). At 5300 lbs and only 400 bhp, the Karma is more tourer than sportscar (a bit of semantics that might help you justify spending $100K on a car that needs six seconds to go from 0-60 mph), but its modest performance is made much more tolerable knowing you're getting 30 to 40 miles per gallon.

From Tamara Warren and Life + Times:

The substantial 22-inch wheels seem to fit snugly to the big body. Side by side with a Maserati Quattroporte, it looked as if the Karma could have swallowed the Italian sports car. The Karma specs confirm my observations, weighing in at a hefty 5300 pounds. The 403 horsepower and 959 pound feet of torque make for respectable, if not fast and furious performance. The Karma climbs from 0 to 60 mph in 7.5 seconds in electric mode, and just under six seconds using the gasoline engine. It’s much more exciting to drive a Karma than, say a plug-in counterpart like the Nissan Leaf. But what this means is that the fuel economy is actually somewhere in the 30 to 40 mpg range for regular driving, 50 mpg on a mindful day of all electric driving. I had fun clicking a leaver between Stealth (all-electric) and Sport (gasoline power). Electric cars are by nature silent, but Fisker added in whirring sound effects that add drama to the drive experience.

The Karma is definitely pretty; but, to be honest, if this price range is realistic for me, I'd probably go with an M3 and spend the difference on gas. Though it does strike me as a perfectly good "wifey car". Maybe if Hiromi is extra good to me, I'll cop her one on her birthday. [It may also help her chances if she actually knew I existed. *cough*]

Monday Kickstart: They Shoulda Never Gave that Nucca Money

[NOTE: This week's kickstart is coming a little later in the day than normal. That's partially due to some family matters of my own that took place last week. Hopefully I'll get caught up again soon.]

Strike 1 — WNBA jersey.
Strike 2 — Skinny jean cut-offs.
Strike 3 — Tube socks with canvas sneakers.
Strike 4 — Louis Vuitton cell phone case.

Key & Peele's series of Lil Wayne skits hit the nail on the head (with one small caveat: they really didn't address the fact that 95% of this rhymes are straight garbage); unfortunately, however, Comedy Central hasn't made any of those videos available for me to post. But no one walking around in a WNBA jersey and party socks (yeah, I brought that term back) should be claiming gangsta. You don't have to wear baggy jeans with big chains hanging from your neck to be tough, but you damn sure can't be dressed like a lesbian hipster and still pretend that you're thugged out.

As a sidenote, though, it's hilarious how it appears that everyone in the photo is doing their best not to stare at Wayne.

And now, for your workweek motivation, I'm going to turn the mic over to Ms. Francesca Frigo:

Couldn't have said it better myself, Francesca. Let's get it.

It's the Weekend

Time to break out...

Throwback Thursday: "Respiration" -- Blackstar ft. Common

Escuchela...la ciudad respirando...

In Case You Were Wondering...

...Yeah, Rihanna's still delish.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler

Get your Mardi Gras on, y'all.

Redemption Song

As the 2012 Grammy Awards pressed on, what would normally be a fairly innocuous situation—a famous R&B singer appearing onstage to perform one of his songs—quietly grew into something much more unsettling. While, at first, I gave no eclipsing thought to Chris Brown being a part of the ceremony, I slowly began feeling sick to my stomach. The realization of what I was seeing, of what it all meant, was disheartening, and shook my faith in humanity.

I wasn’t actually watching the Grammy Awards, though. [Seriously, if you’re not between the ages of 6 and 18, don’t actually know the artists themselves, and aren’t in the industry, then why the hell do you care about the Grammys? They haven’t been relevant in 30 years.] No, I was casting a casual eye towards Twitter, as it suddenly roared with a fervent, anti-Brown outcry.

Really, people? This is what lights your souls (and “send” fingers) on fire?

Let me clarify now [Don’t you just love that anytime someone casts a dissenting opinion these days, they have to simultaneously shield themselves from a witch hunt?] that I am in no way condoning violence against women. One more time: I AM NOT CONDONING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. I was raised by a single mother, who I love and cherish for everything she has done for me. She instilled in me every value I hold true, and taught me to employ the powers of reason, constructive thinking, and forgiveness. What happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna was a violent crime, and one for which Brown was rightfully convicted (though I feel the punishment doled out by the court was lenient; when you attack someone—man or woman—as brutally as he did Rihanna, jail time is warranted). I have two sisters, female cousins I love like sisters, a niece, several very close female friends…if someone ever did to them what Brown did, vengeance via that person’s slow, painful death may be all that I could accept in return.

…At first.

See, to sit here and contemplate such a terrible fate befalling one of my loved ones is only going to bring about the emotions that I would feel in that moment in which I learn of the attack. What would I feel three years later? Being a rational human being, I have to believe there would still be anger, but that it would be muted by understanding and empathy. This, in addition to opposable thumbs, is what millions of years of evolution has bestowed upon us: The ability to see things from more than one angle, to understand why the guilty did that for which they’re accountable; and the ability to understand that redemption may still be possible for him or her, despite the horrifying wrongs he or she has inflicted. The compassion it takes to accept that a flawed person needs time and support to overcome the demons that caused him to hurt others is an ancient concept in today’s world, thanks largely to Facebook and Twitter giving people a platform to express their unfiltered, in-the-moment thoughts before reflection and logic can refine them.

Just as putrid is the mob mentality that builds via Twitter. When someone with a modicum of fame—and 100K or more followers—expresses disgust towards a person or thing (Brown, in this case), it incites the masses to jump on the bully’s side of the line in the dirt. So rarely is this due to the followers having the same misgivings about the target of the hatred; more often than not they just want to earn a spot at the cool table by identifying this target as something they share with the bully. “I hate him too! I’m just like you! Accept me!” After all, if the cool kids are doing it, then you should be doing it too, right? And if multiple bullies attack the outcast, it only snowballs. It’s much easier to join the crowd in jeering Chris Brown, and to castigate him for one reprehensible episode, than it is to set down the torch and pitchfork and allow him space to try to rehabilitate the mental or emotional illness that caused that episode.

Perhaps this is the chunk of the whole “Chris Brown at the Grammys” mess that has provoked the most irritation for me. So much of the aggressive and derisive sentiment isn’t being spoken truly because the people behind the iPhones and keyboards hate Chris Brown. They may hate his attack on Rihanna (as do I); they may hate the sexist, misogynistic overtones of such attacks (as do I); they may hate that his fame likely shielded him from a much harsher punishment following his conviction (as do I). But aside from those pieces, he’s really just a news story to them. He’s a talking point, an edgy joke to be shared with others in the hope that one might fit in with the same society of which Brown himself was once a prominent figure. That so many comedians and B-list actors are participating in this public game of H.O.R.S.E. on a six-foot-high hoop is more telling of their need for attention than it is of the severity of Brown’s act. What percentage of these pseudo-celebs and Twitter-demagogues are contributing their time and excessive (for non-Hollywood standards) earnings to women’s shelters, domestic abuse awareness programs, and other relevant charities? Which is more sensible as a sentient member of modern society: Catty jokes on Twitter, or taking tangible action to help the millions of victims of the same abuse that you’re using to fuel your aspirations of being Twitter’s prom kings and queens? When did chastising the guilty become a more pertinent piece of the puzzle than aiding the innocent? And when did working to prevent future crimes against humanity take a backseat to being the cleverest “Mean Girl”?

Certainly Brown has done little in the way of handling the criticism and snarky jokes very well. His juvenile responses to his critics—especially on Twitter—have only added rocket fuel to the fire. When I was young and had trouble with bullies, my mom suggested I ignore them. It always seemed like something that was easier said than done. I felt as though I was handcuffing myself while my enemies took shots at me, and that my silence was having little effect in response. I would always get to a point where I felt that, whether I retaliated or not, my attacker was going to keep saying and doing what he felt like to me and my pride. Sometimes the higher road just seems like a dead end. Brown has been a poster child for this frustration. And as the high and mighty have stood around him shoving away, he’s given into the temptation to shove back—which, in the realm of public opinion and media spin, is never going to garner you anything other than more of what you’re already getting.

Here’s the fun part, though: I’m just as guilty as the other bullies and hero worshippers. I’ve taken pot shots at Chris on this page on several occasions, and even sent off a random tweet at the outset of Sunday’s shitstorm. As I watched the stakes escalate, though…well, I’ve already gone into that. But looking back at it all now, I honestly feel ashamed. I wonder: Will the Twitter bullies ever stop to acknowledge that same embarrassment?

Again, I say all of this with no intention of defending Chris Brown’s crime. And, for the record, he doesn’t seem very interested in defending it either. In all that I (or any of the bullies) have been given on which to base opinion, he’s actually showed remorse. He understands that he has a penance to pay for what he’s done. And if he was afforded time to focus on his personal betterment and his career—because, after all, music and performing are his career, and doing such at the Grammys is therefore quite natural—he might be fine. Working means being able to take your mind off of your demons and past mistakes for brief periods of time, and that can do wonders when one is attempting to find salvation. Rihanna herself has forgiven Brown, and is even currently working on a song with him. In other words, the only other person with a truly righteous understanding of the very event that has millions of strangers playing god with Chris Brown’s character and psyche is saying, “Let’s move on. Prove to me you can be better, Chris.”

But who cares what she thinks?

Monday Kickstart: #WhyILoveTwitter

You rang? RT @TheRealRoseanne: it must be asked: WHO THE FUCK IS MORE TRILL THAN ME, BITCHES??

— Bun B (@BunBTrillOG) February 19, 2012

Stay in your lane, Roseanne.

And, for this week's reason to care, I give you Miss Jessica Red (from T.I.T.S. Blog):

I usually don't care for girls with a lot of tattoos, but...I could make an exception. Let's get it.

Big Fans

Here's a great skit from last night's Saturday Night Live (Maya Rudolph and Jay Pharoah kill).

Tail Report: Claudia Sampedro

I'm a little late on the news (as usual), but Reggie Bush is/was all up in this like a play action fake. Nucca's my hero. I might draft him in the first round of my fantasy drafts this September, just because.

Ah, the perks of playing professional football in Miami. New York, Wisconsin, and Massachusetts teams might get the championship rings, but Florida teams get delicious Cuban mamis. I'd call that a serious "push".