All Grown Up

Ellie Kemper...mmm mmmMM mmm MMMM. In just a few short years, she's gone from geeky internet-skit girl...



...to quirky TV character actress...

...to Hollywood siren...

Yes, please. As one of DERRICK Comedy's early fans—pretty much the only people who even know who DERRICK Comedy is—I feel a sense of pride in seeing Ellie's growing success. Almost like an older cousin...you know, like fifth or sixth removed. A "cousin" you can still do stuff to without it being weird...

Tail Report: Jennifer Lopez (Oscar Night Edition)

I thought about doing the standard "all the hot gals of the Oscars red carpet" post, but...I don't know. There were a few surprising showings (Ellie Kemper, who I'll get to in a later post, and Viola Davis' tasty treats are the first two to come to my bourbon-saddled mind), as well as some comical ones (I mean, Angelina...I wouldn't say "No" to her, but anymore she's the Peyton Manning of hot women: A big name with a Hall-of-Fame career, who at this point is damaged goods and a bit past her prime; she can still win a few games, but there's no way you'd stake your future on her—sorry Brad). But, on the whole, there just wasn't much for (straight) male eyes to enjoy. The one woman who did bring the "bang", though? Our favorite chica from the block. Both on the red carpet:

...and at the after-party:

Yes, that's a bang. Twice. Te amo, mami.

In Case You Were Wondering...

...Yeah, Rihanna's still delish.

Tail Report: 2012 Grammy Awards

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In Case You Were Wondering...

...my baby Hiromi is still killing it, as this picture from "The Rum Diary" world premiere proves.

In Case You Were Wondering...

...Sofia's still hurting 'em. I could've done a whole Emmy's red carpet post, but why bother? This is really all you need to know about it. Though Christina Hendricks earned an honorable mention.

Tail Report: 2011 MTV Video Music Awards

I almost feel obligated to put up these posts whenever there's a popular awards show on, no matter how slim the pickings are among the photo galleries I find. Maybe I'll update this post if I come across some new ones tomorrow.

...Maybe I'll give a fuck.

Kelly Rowland
I've always felt she was slightly underrated.

Kim Kardashian
Newly betrothed to the NBA's version of Lenny from "Of Mice and Men"...god I hope I'm one of the first guys she cheats on him with.

Katy Perry
Seen here with the world's luckiest C-list actor. I like Russell, I really do. If I ever met him, I'd probably throw a stiff right cross, then pick him up off the ground and hand him a beer.

Demi Lovato
Seen here with Selena Gomez (Demi's on the left...I'm 75% certain). I had to check Wikipedia before I felt safe in appreciating this picture of her (she turned 18 last year, so it's cool fellas).

Maria Menounos
It's been a while since I've seen a halfway decent picture of Maria. I'm not entirely sure why that is. From what I can see here, she hasn't exactly fallen off. Maybe she's just stayed out of the spotlight a little. (Yeah, right...)

Tail Report: 2011 BET Awards

Award shows suck. The beautiful women who get all dolled up to attend them don't. (Well, hopefully they do...)

Keri Hilson

Meagan Good

Teairra Marie (Dizzamn... Where the hell has she been? Aside from the gym, that is.)

LoLa Monroe

Tika Sumpter