Monday Kickstart: Ryde or Die

I feel like this brother must be related to Grace Jones. You know all those over-the-top descriptions and scenarios that Old Spice uses to talk about how "powerful" their deodorant's odor-blocking skills are? You think Terry Tate watched this video and started worrying that he was about to be replaced?





And now, this week's motivational speaker, Ms. Genesis Rodriguez:

Well said, Genesis. Well said. Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: Keep Telling Yourself That

Yup. Know who else runs this shit? Alison Brie, that's who.

Don't hurt 'em, Alison. (You can hurt me anytime you want, though...)

P.S. — New "Community" Thursday at 8, y'all. #CoolCoolCool

Monday Kickstart: How Does That Make You Feel?

Maybe getting it all out of your system today will help ease things the rest of the week. Maybe not. Either way, this video will at least clear your mind for a few blissful minutes.




Feel better? No? Think Kate Upton could help with that?

Yeah, I thought so. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: They Shoulda Never Gave that Nucca Money

[NOTE: This week's kickstart is coming a little later in the day than normal. That's partially due to some family matters of my own that took place last week. Hopefully I'll get caught up again soon.]

Strike 1 — WNBA jersey.
Strike 2 — Skinny jean cut-offs.
Strike 3 — Tube socks with canvas sneakers.
Strike 4 — Louis Vuitton cell phone case.

Key & Peele's series of Lil Wayne skits hit the nail on the head (with one small caveat: they really didn't address the fact that 95% of this rhymes are straight garbage); unfortunately, however, Comedy Central hasn't made any of those videos available for me to post. But no one walking around in a WNBA jersey and party socks (yeah, I brought that term back) should be claiming gangsta. You don't have to wear baggy jeans with big chains hanging from your neck to be tough, but you damn sure can't be dressed like a lesbian hipster and still pretend that you're thugged out.

As a sidenote, though, it's hilarious how it appears that everyone in the photo is doing their best not to stare at Wayne.

And now, for your workweek motivation, I'm going to turn the mic over to Ms. Francesca Frigo:

Couldn't have said it better myself, Francesca. Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: #WhyILoveTwitter

You rang? RT @TheRealRoseanne: it must be asked: WHO THE FUCK IS MORE TRILL THAN ME, BITCHES??

— Bun B (@BunBTrillOG) February 19, 2012

Stay in your lane, Roseanne.

And, for this week's reason to care, I give you Miss Jessica Red (from T.I.T.S. Blog):

I usually don't care for girls with a lot of tattoos, but...I could make an exception. Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: Coolest Grandpas on the Block

Don't you kind of wish you were in on this conversation? Rackt suggested Arnold was teaching Sly how to work your way up to a shocker. I find that unbelievable—you can't tell me Sly never pulled out the old shocker on Brigitte Nielsen's Amazonian ass back in the day. Whatever they were talking about, I can guarantee you this: Even in this state, they each still could've beat the ever-loving-shit out of you if you had dared to interrupt.

And now for the inspirational portion of our weekly show, we give you Miss Jessica Burciaga (#schoolboycrush):





Te amo, mami. Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: "They don't make 'em like they used to! Do they, eh? Eh, Batsy?"

From lulzshirts.

Damn, homie. Just...damn. And since I've been thinking about Halle in the Catwoman suit all weekend (don't ask), let's leave it to her to provide your workweek motivation.

Let's get it.

Monday Kickstart: Pig & Frog - 1, Fox - 0 (Bell - 100)

How far has the Sly Fox fallen in credibility? It's gone from being a lyrical target of legendary emcee Nas, to being mocked (in passing, no less) by Muppets.









And as fine as Miss Piggy is, I figure you'd probably like something a little more incentivizing to get your workweek off and running. So how about this little tidbit from last night's "House of Lies"?

Keep doing what you're doing, Kristen. Let's go.

Monday Kickstart: Gina Carano Will Fucking Kill You

There's just so much to love about this picture:

• Serial sleazebag Mario Lopez getting choked out by the most dangerous woman on the planet.
• A crowd of onlookers watching with a level of glee typically reserved for buzzer-beating three point shots in the NCAA Tourney.
• I mean, seriously, look how ecstatic the cute Asian girl on the right is.
• The distinct possibility that being choked out by Gina Carano in front of a cheering crowd is actually bringing Lopez to climax.
• The distinct possibility that the blonde woman in red is locked in on physical evidence that Lopez is enjoying being choked out.
  
• The distinct possibility that Carano, too, knows Lopez is about to climax, and as a result is conflicted about whether or not to keep squeezing

The only thing I don't love about this picture is that it may be the least attractive photo of Carano that I've ever seen. And since you just can't start a workweek without a little eye candy, I feel the need to rectify this:

You're welcome. Let's get it.